Of Dungeonbats and Dunderheads
by Sarnedhiel
Summary: Just something I've had in my mind for a while. Snape saves Harry from ever going to the Dursleys...Yeah...
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I will only put this in this once, the entire world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury and Warner Bros and I in no way benefit from this.

**Prologue**

_31st of October 1981 - Godric's Hollow, West Country_

Snape was running faster than he'd ever ran in his life. Damned Fidelius charm, he thought to himself. He needed to get to the boy, before the Order got wind of what happened. This was it, his one and only chance to set right all his wrongs. If only… No, no good on dwelling on If only's and What ifs, he was determined to get something right, dammit!

He finally arrived at the house. He had known it would be a mess, but he hadn't expected this. Half a wall was completely blown out and he could hear the wailing of an infant from the hole in the wall. He swallowed and made his way through the rubble to the door that hung off its hinges. With a sneer he stepped over Potter's body, barely resisting the urge to kick his lifeless body a few times. He followed the corridor up the stairs, stopping in front of the room where the crying came from.

"You're here to get Harry, for Lily. Come on, Severus, you can do this." he muttered to himself, praying that he wouldn't have to look at her.

He stepped into the room, glancing around to find Harry in his crib, crying his eyes out. He quickly made his way towards the crib, but bumped into something with his foot as he stepped forward. He knew that if he looked at Lily now, he wouldn't be able to keep it together properly. He fought with himself, but he had to, he couldn't not. He looked down. He didn't look back up for a long time. When he finally did look up, there were tear streaks down his eyes and his face was set in a very grim expression. Without another word, he grabbed Harry and walked out of Godric's Hollow, away from any Death Eaters the Dark Lord might have brought with him and away from whomever would be sent to collect Harry for the Order. He'd be damned if either side would try to manipulate Harry as he had been manipulated. He'd promised Lily to take care of Harry, so he would, in his own way.

Harry Potter wasn't heard of or seen ever again.

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><p><strong>AN**: So, this is just a little idea that's been running through my head for a while.

Let me know what you thought, I really don't know if I should continue this or not.

Also, ideas on a title would be welcome XD


	2. Chapter 1

_1st of November 1981 - Spinner's End, Cokeworth_

A figure in a bright red robe with a matching hat was making his way to a certain potion master's house. As he walked under a few of the lanterns that still shone a light, his long silvery hair and beard came into view.

He looked around himself to make certain he'd come to the right house, even though he was confident he had. After all, it wasn't the first time he'd come knocking on this door.

He raised his wand and tapped the door twice quickly, thrice slowly and again twice quickly. He then put his wand hand flat against the door's surface and pushed. A quick frown flashed across his face, gone in the blink of an eye when it didn't budge. He put his other hand up against the door as well and put some weight behind his push.

The door still didn't move even an inch.

He repeated the knocking pattern with his fist as he called out: "Severus?"

He tried the door again.

"Severus, Harry's just lost his parents, surely you understand he should be with his family?"

There was no reply from the house, not even a sign that someone was there.

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><p><em>24th of July 1991 - Bottesford, Lincolnshire<em>

"Harry! Janus has brought your Hogwarts letter, come downstairs."

Harry rolled out of bed and looked around his bedroom, searching for the clothes he'd laid out on his bed the night before. They always got kicked off the bed during his sleep, although it was sometimes the fault of Akasha, his pet snake. He started to put on his clothes and lost his balance as he got caught up in his clothes and the sheets. It took him a while to untangle himself from the sheets and put his clothes on correctly.

"Harry Michael Snape! Get downstairs this instant! This is the second time I've called you, next time the letter burns!"

Harry knew Severus wouldn't do it, but just to be safe, he ran down the stairs. When he walked into the kitchen, Severus was sitting at the table, looking intently at the letter lying in Harry's plate. Harry absently fed Janus some owl treats and then stared at the letter for a very long time.

"It's not going to bite, boy" Severus' voice filled the silence after a while.

Harry jumped and sat down, still making no move to grab the letter, let alone open it. He took in the handwriting, the way the green ink had run a bit. He suddenly looked up, confused. "Who is Harry _Potter_?" he asked.

His father sighed. "I'd hoped I had instilled some common sense in you by now. Who do you think it could possibly be?"

Harry snorted "Right then, but I still I don't understand." Severus rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at the letter. Harry quickly picked up the letter and opened it. He read through it quickly, scanning the booklist. He looked up and grinned. "Are we going to Diagon Alley soon?" Harry asked, all thought of the Potter mystery vanishing from his mind for a while.

Severus finished the breakfast he'd started to eat when Harry read his letter. "I am going to Diagon Alley to buy your things and you are finishing breakfast." He said, pointing at Harry's plate.

Harry quickly started to eat his breakfast. "Wuv avoub ma van'?" he asked with his mouth full. "Have I not taught you not to speak with your mouth full?" Severus asked, looking down his nose at Harry and completely ignoring his question. Harry swallowed his mouthful with a little trouble and asked: "What about my wand? The wand chooses the wizard, you told me that. So you can't buy it for me." He looked down at his now empty plate as he said this, wondering if he'd pushed Severus too far.

Severus sighed, wondering why on earth he'd told Harry that little titbit. "That may be the case, but you failed to be on time, so you will not be present for any other shopping, nor will you see Diagon Alley itself. We will Floo straight into Ollivander's and then you will Floo back home. Am I understood?"

"Yessir!" Harry said, jumping off his chair and washing his plate, grinning like mad. He then bounded over to the fireplace, almost smacking into the table on his way there. Severus rolled his eyes and caught Harry as he stumbled.

''Keep being such a dunderhead and I may have to just make you go to Hogwarts sans wand." Severus threatened, but with a barely noticeable smile tugging the corners of his mouth up ever so slightly.

Harry gaped at him, wondering if he was being serious, before the utter ridiculousness of that statement seeped into his mind. "Oops?" He said hesitantly, as Severus handed him a jar with the Floo powder in it.

"Do I need to tell you how to use Floo powder again?" Severus sneered at him. Harry rolled his eyes, grabbed a handful of the powder and…was stopped by the hand grabbing his wrist. "Straight to Ollivander's, you hear me?" Harry nodded as Severus let go of his wrist. He then stepped into the fireplace and very loudly said "Oleander's".

He was gone before Severus even had a chance to respond to this new bout of idiocy.

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><p><strong>AN**

I had this chapter prepared already, so I thought I'd post that as well and...

Holy shit, I already have a reviewer: tyler this chappie is now for you :)

Do you guys like the time-skip and would you like me to continue?

My plan is to just continue on and maybe share some defining moments from their past through flashbacks, but if you'd like, I could devote a couple (or more) chapters to how they got to this point.

Anyway, let me know what you think, even if all you have to say is: For the love of God, stop writing. Reviews like this keep me warm and give me smores ^_^


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Yay! We have a title! I've also added a bit of back story at the start of the first chapter, I'll continue to add the years in between Halloween 1981 and July 1991 this way, to show the development from Snape being Harry's semi-reluctant guardian to Severus being a strict but caring parent (in his own way). So go read that, before reading this next chapter.

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><p><em>14<em>_th__ of November 1981 - Bottesford, Lincolnshire_

"Stop that incessant whining and crying, you brat! I do not have a clue what it is you want." Snape shouted at the one year old, looking rather dishevelled and at his wit's end. Short of actually giving the boy a sleeping potion or spelling him asleep, he'd done everything he could think of.

"You won't finish your bottle, your diaper is clean and you don't have a rash either. You are neither hot nor cold and you reject your fop. What else could you possibly want?!" He'd started out muttering to himself, but ended up shouting the last bit, which caused the child to start crying even louder.

Snape picked up the child, in a moment of weakness truly intending to fling the brat against the wall, before a rather painful memory of his childhood came to his mind and the toss became a twirl. The crying stopped.

He looked down at the child in his arms in surprise. On a whim, he did it again. This time, the child actually cooed at him, causing him to scowl at the boy again. After a second or two, his scowl softened and he spun again, making _her_ eyes shine at him as _her son_ smiled and laughed at him.

He'd been ready for the cleaning of vomit and bottom, for the changing of diapers, for the sleepless nights as the boy would eventually get growth spurts, but he'd never imagined he would feel any sort of affection for it. That of course, had been before he'd even seen the boy. He'd have to reserve his judgement of the child for a while.

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><p><em>24<em>_th__ of July 1991 - Bottesford, Lincolnshire_

Sighing, Severus grabbed some Floo powder and, in a fit of irritated adventurousness, said "Oleander's" as he stepped into the fireplace while simultaneously throwing the black powder into the fireplace. He made sure his face was set in a proper scowl to show his intense distaste and disappointment, even as a strange feeling of freedom overcame him. He decided he'd think on that a bit later, as he now had a ten year old to scare.

He stepped out of an unfamiliar fireplace and no longer had to fake his scowl, as he found Harry talking to a short, busty, red-headed woman. "Harry! How do you pronounce the wandmaker's name?" he said as he put his hand on Harry's shoulder, spinning him round roughly. Harry gasped and opened his mouth before closing it quickly again. "Ollivander's, sir."

"It seems you DO know how to pronounce it, so, tell me, why are we….. Where are we anyway?" Harry looked at the ground, not at all sure where they'd ended up, though he was sure they were somewhere in the Wizarding World, as the red-headed woman was clearly a witch.

The woman turned around and gave Harry a smile as she said: "You're Severus Snape, aren't you? So pleased to finally meet one of the few professors that can actually keep my twins in line. I'm Molly Weasley and this would be Oleander's, the cutest little herbal shop in Diagon Alley."

"Indeed" Severus lifted an eyebrow. He let his eyes sweep over the woman once and the turned away. "Let's go." He said to Harry and left the shop. He waited just outside the shop, so the dunderhead couldn't get away from him and horribly lost in the process. Harry exited the shop, smiling broadly. "She's invited us over to dinner, so I can meet her youngest son, who's starting this year as well."

"No"

"But, sir, I-"

"No, you are being punished and now be quiet." Did the brat seriously think he'd get to go on a playdate after such blatant disobedience? "Ollivander's is this way, keep up and don't get distracted by the shops!"

"Yes sir!" Harry said, rather disappointed he wouldn't be meeting the redhead's son. She seemed nice, so her son probably was as well. He only thought about that for a second before he saw the street they were in. There were witches and wizards everywhere! He'd never seen so many of them in one place. The only other wizards he'd ever met were a few of Severus' friends and then only because he'd disobeyed.

People got out of the way for the scowling man and so the walk to Ollivander's was over far too quickly for Harry's liking, though he still felt he needed at least another set of eyes.

The shop they ended up at was, compared to the other shops, rather plain-looking, with a single wand on a pedestal on display and the name Ollivander's on the façade of the building. Harry looked up at Severus uncertainly and Severus looked down at Harry expectantly. "Are you ready for your wand, Harry?" He asked gently, remembering how much it meant to him all those years back to finally get a wand.

"As I'll ever be." Severus opened the door and motioned for Harry to go through. There was a single bell that jingled as they walked in, but not a sign of anyone else in the store.

Severus looked completely lost in thought, so Harry approached the counter alone, trying to look over it, maybe the shopkeeper had fallen asleep? He jumped when an old man suddenly came into his field of vision, sliding on a ladder and stopping behind the counter with a bang.

The man smiles at Harry. "I wondered when I'd be seeing you, Mr. Potter. It seems almost yeste-" "That's enough babbling, he's here for a wand." Snape rudely interrupted. Ollivander looked between Harry and Snape curiously. He cleared his throath and handed Harry a wand. "Here you are, Mr. Potter."

Harry took the wand. "My name's not Potter, why d'you keep calling me that?"

"Just wave the wand, please." Ollivander replied, throwing a look towards Severus Harry couldn't describe, nor figure out the meaning to. Harry waved the wand and promptly flew back two yards, leaving the wand behind. "No, definitely not that one." He muttered and looked for a different wand.

This process seemed to repeat itself endlessly, with results varying from his hair turning purple to everyone gettng drenched. "I wonder" Ollivander said softly, as he handed Harry a final ditch effort at finding a wand. Harry took the wand and was immediately felt a warm glow shoot from his hand all the way through his body.

"Curious this wand should choose you, as its twin gave you that scar." Ollivander said as Severus quickly paid for the wand and pulled Harry out of the shop.

"We are going to apparate back home, Harry." Severus said tensely, in a tone that promised death for anyone daring to say otherwise. Harry merely nodded, his head filled with questions about 'Potter'.


End file.
